Welcome Home Run On

I've been gone for a long time. Feels pretty good to be honest. I'm trying out a new format for the old blog. Curious for comments. The background is the view from my bedroom window at night. It's remarkable really, even though I do not quite enjoy the cement jungle. The new place, around Church and Carlton, is fantastic for hosting students and changes like no other neighbourhood I have ever lived in, depending on the time of day. I said hello to two prostitutes on my walk home last night. Working one minute from my doorstep. Saw another farther down Church St. It's a broken neighbourhood, and it does better hiding it during the day.

First it was Hamilton. Then camp. Then Toronto. Then the one country in the world I never wanted to visit. Now downtown Toronto.

There are so many places that the Spirit has invited me to go to, and never in my old life's wildest dreams did I want or think to go there. There was no desire. But I did, and I found life. My heart changed and I saw resurrection.

So now, in this moment, this is my calling's destination. This is my new home.

Final Post Until September

In less than 24 hours I will be leaving this great continent for another, and will most likely not have internet access for the next month or so. That being said, this is my last post for a while. Here are some things I've thought to share:

-I flew to Vancouver six years ago, and only saw it briefly. It was good. This time around I have settled in for two and a half weeks. I think it is safe to say that I have become enamoured with the place. It will be hard to leave.

-Climbing mountains, hiking trails, and going running, are not a part of my regular Ontario routine. I am wishing that could change.

-The summertime is the perfect time for enjoying buskers.

-I finally, after years of false starts, have the beginnings of a novel going. And I am confident that though it will be a labour of love over the next few years, I will have something of substance to share with friends, family, and the like.

-INCEPTION!!!! I counted six levels.

-Extroverts need Introverts, and Introverts need Extroverts.

-Though I currently don't have a home to return to in Toronto yet, this does not bother me. I actually have a lot of peace about it, and full faith in God and my community.

-If you visit Vancouver, go to Gene (which is a small coffee shop) at Main & Kingsway. You'll see the view and immediately see how I was able to find inspiration to write.

-I have been blessed by western hospitality, and more than anything else, will take that back to Ontario with me.

See you in September.

Stuff Christians Like

I'm not always hip to the latest trends, but I guess I should try to be if I want to be missionally relevant to a PoMo-Starbucks-drinking-wear-my-faith-on-my-wicked-American-Apparel-original-silk-screen-T-shirt kind of generation. Or maybe not? Questions, questions...

Disclaimer: One of my biggest pet peeves is the way Christians often absorb culture, chew on it a bit, and then spit it out as a lamer, more embarrassing, way that ruins both. Two examples: (a) Those red T-shirts that say Counter-Culture on them in the Coca-Cola font style; (b) the majority of Contemporary Christian Music, which is neither contemporary nor original. If anything, both of these say that Christians are only capable of being boring, unoriginal, participants in our culture. But I digress...

Regardless, I'm not hip to the hipness of the Stuff Christians Like (SCL) website, but I did come across a book of the same title while checking out the Regent College Bookstore. Here's where the disclaimer comes in. For a moment, I got caught in the broad generalization mentioned above, and lumped the SCL website in as a lamer version of Stuff White People Like (SWPL), the latter being a brilliantly witty take on whiteness, and on more than one occasion, dead on in its depiction of white, North American, culture. This alone could have kept me from purchasing the book inspired by the website, but I am glad that in this case, it did not. The SCL website makes it pretty clear that it is inspired by SWPL, and gives credit where credit is due. Great, my conscience is clear.

Alright, so this book is probably the funniest thing that I have ever read out of the Christian world. Seriously, so hilarious that I was literally crying while reading it to some friends, and had my voice break several times while trying to read through some of the chapter headings. A small smattering of such headings look like this:

"Complaining about not being 'fed' at church."

"Watching R-rated movies... but only if they're violent."

"Using "I'll pray about it" as a euphemism for no."

"Falling in love on a mission trip."

"Ranking honeymoon sex slightly higher than the second coming of Christ."

So yes, I broke my fast from purchasing new books, and I bought this book. It was/is worth it. There is a treasure trove of teachable anecdotes here that I will no doubt use when I return home. Also, I doesn't hurt to laugh (a lot) at yourself. I think that if I was to contribute a chapter heading, mine might be,

"Letting people know that you're wrestling out your salvation by blogging about it."

Vancouver, Je T'aime

I don't know what it is, but every time I visit Vancouver I end up getting blessed with beautiful weather. The locals say the current stretch of hot, sunny, and cloudless days is not the norm, but it's the same weather as when I came here the first time six years ago. Perhaps this province really just wants to show me a great time - to woo me into picking up from Ontario and moving to these parts. I wouldn't be the first.

You needn't worry, my Ontario brethren, I will return to you safely in a few months time; but in the meantime I will enjoy everything this beautiful province has to offer.

Initial thoughts in the few days that I've been here: (1) I am jealous of the UBC campus, as I drove, open-jawed, around the perimeter; (2) walking around Granville and Emily Carr made me wish I was putting my creative potential to good use; (3) the world needs more mountains.

Though I am technically on vacation right now, it still seems to be a working vacation, as many things still need to be set in place for the GP next month, and there's an endless list of things to take care of for next year back on campus. However, I must say that working in Toronto during the heat wave, and working in Vancouver during the heat wave, are world's apart. I am pleased with my choice.

Finally, I've embarked on reading the last (well, last one for me to read) complete Fitzgerald novel of his oeuvre, The Beautiful and Damned, and am being inspired for the creative writing that is itching to begin here.

badgerland presents: Saskatchewan

My musical alter ego - Davey Von Stone - is honoured to be amongst those whose passion for all things Saskatchewan has brought forth this loving ode to Canada's swift flowing land. Click the album art and experience the sound of prairies recorded in far off places.

Suffering and Loneliness

Yesterday I was having coffee with some friends on a patio up on Bloor West when an elderly gentleman sat down on the bench in front of us and asked the following:

-Excuse me. I used to work for CIBC and... What do you think the ratio is... of five people... is there one who would buy someone a hamburger?

Immediately the man burst into tears. Each of us looked awkwardly at each other, and as I was the closest to the man, I felt compelled to oblige. I tried to comfort him, reassuredly saying,

-Of course I will. I'll be right back.

So I walked a few store fronts down and bought the man two hamburgers from McDonalds. When I had returned back to the bench, one of my friends was sitting with the man and talking to him. I put my hand on the man's shoulder,

-Here you go. And not just one. I figured you could use two.

-Oh thank you. Thank you. I'll eat this one now, and save the other one for later.

I began to listen to the man as he shared the many reasons for his breakdown. It was rare for him to make it through a sentence without bursting into tears, and holding his face in his hands.

-I am alone, and there is nobody to talk to... (tears). My wife put me in a home down the street a while ago, and now all my family is dead... (sobs). Sometimes I wonder if God is punishing me. Sometimes I ask 'God, why do you hate me?' (more sobbing).

Here are the things I'm noticing about the man at this time: He has an unusually large build up of liquid eye mucus; he has two bracelets, one that says Fall Risk and another with his name, and for some odd reason, a note that he has no family.

-I am lonely. It's so lonely when nobody talks to you. I could be dead on the floor of my room for a week and nobody would notice. How can you be happy when nobody cares?

-Well, perhaps you need to find joy in the small things, like a hamburger at the perfect time.

-You're right, I guess.

He takes some more, slow bites.

-I used to work for CIBC. Lived in Fenelon Falls. I had a big house, and I drove a Mercedes. I had the good life, but it means nothing now. I go to dinner with people and nobody talks. It's just so lonely I... (head in hands) I am so lonely. And I ask God why. Does he not love me?

We're still listening as this goes in circles a little bit.

-It makes you not want to live anymore.

I jump in during a pause.

-That's when you have to appreciate the small things. The clean air to breathe. The sunshine and the green trees. See those pigeons down there?

-Yes.

-Think about it: if God can love even those pigeons at our feet, don't you think he'd love you more?

-Oh I feed the pigeons all the time.

A smile emerges on his face, and lingers for a while before he descends into his wounds of loneliness again. My bet at this point is dementia. He doesn't seem to connect everything, and yet there are moments of real clarity - specifically when speaking about the milestones of success that are now meaningless. He sure seems connected to his old Mercedes, and to the truth that the desired vehicle speaks no life into his suffering and loneliness. We talk for a few more minutes before he heads on his way. We make sure to let him know we really appreciated and enjoyed talking to him, and that he was worth talking to. He smiles, clings to his cane and McDonald's bag, and leaves. Very slowly.

This whole episode reminded me of a prince many millennia ago who left his castle to observe the people outside his gate, and all he found was suffering. He went on to teach many that all of the world is suffering; that suffering is truth. I don't buy it though. I am ever thankful that though suffering and loneliness are a part of this life, there is one who speaks belovedness to creation, and I can't help but wonder what this man's life would be like if he knew he was loved. Because he is.

In this moment I saw Hauerwas, Nouwen, and my calling all intertwined.

Moving from Solitude to Community to Ministry

If we do not know we are the beloved sons and daughters of God, we're going to expect someone in the community to make us feel that way. They cannot. We'll expect someone to give us that perfect, unconditional love. But community is not loneliness grabbing onto loneliness: "I'm so lonely, and you're so lonely." It's solitude grabbing onto solitude: "I am the beloved; you are the beloved; together we can build a home." Sometimes you are close, and that's wonderful. Sometimes you are close, and that's wonderful. Sometimes you don't feel much love, and that's hard. But we can be faithful. We can build a home together and create space for God and for the children of God.

- Henri Nouwen

Living Gently in a Violent World

I remember thinking, When technology replaces community, you ain't got community to fall back on when you're in a crisis.

- Stanley Hauerwas