The Greater Narrative

When I was working on my funeral project a couple of weeks ago, I made repeated reference to a greater narrative, in which the narrative of my life was a small part. I think there is a lot of depth to the idea of viewing life as a narrative instead of a series of related or interlocking experiences. Series of experiences gives such a linear view of life, whereas narratives often have themes and experiences that are revisited and reflected upon. It's the acts of revisiting and reflecting that give significance to our experiences, and in some sense complete them. So perhaps life is a spiral moving up and down. It's cyclical through revisiting and reflecting, and linear in both directions: upwards as our stories develop, and downward as we find greater depth and meaning in our own stories. I think the implications of this view of life are enormous, especially in our VERY linear-thinking culture.

Starting tomorrow I'm doing a week long study of origin of the greater narrative(s) in Toronto. I'm interested to see how this study influences the way I view my narrative.

In a just over a week I'll hopefully start working on some narratives that have been kicking around in my head for the past 5 years. School is just about done, so the time to write is now.

...sat on a park bench like bookends...

I'm moving back to Brantford at the end of the month, just for the summer. I can't tell you how much this excites me. I'll still have some school left to finish in May and June, so I'll be in Hamilton quite a lot still, but the thought of returning home is really exciting! And it's all because of relationships.

First, there is the relationship between myself and art. I've spent the last five at Mac drawing influences and inspiration from my classes, but very little creation has taken place (beyond a few short stories and short films). Now is the time to put my education to work. I think I view the last five years as preparation for my writing (many classes were spent daydreaming about the perfect story, the perfect soundtrack, the perfectly framed shot). So now I begin writing, and there is no better place to do so than back home in Brantford. I feel like there's a lot of unresolved elements in Brantford that I'll be returning to, and as difficult as it may be, I need to go back into these old haunts in order to be faithful to the some of the stories I want/need to write.

A return to my old art.

Secondly, and more importantly, is the relationship between myself and Brantford friends. I think a distance has developed in many of my relationships with people back home, and I'm not content to leave it that way. Sure, as people develop into different paths, journeys, and stories, sometimes we inevitably become distanced. But this is not because I do not value those friendships. It is just the way the story has developed thus far. I'm more Art Garfunkel than I am Paul Simon.

A return to my old friends.

As F. Scott so eloquently put it,

"So we beat on, boats against the current, borne back ceaselessly into the past."

It is time for my Gatsby.

The Wonder Years

Today, I was reminded of a website my good friend Jared Korstanje made a few years ago (his technical prowess is... astounding). If you look closely, you'll find some rather embarrassing pictures of me experimenting with facial hair back when it first started growing, and trying to pretend I was a part of Team Zissou.

Why is the website dedicated to Winnie Cooper and The Wonder Years, you might ask?
Because my first girlfriend in high school looked like Winnie Cooper. She never really saw it that way (in fact, the mere insinuation of a likeness brought forth a blinding rage which was hard to subside), but it was true. I thought/still think it was a compliment. For years it was a running/inside joke amongst friends, but I had forgotten all about it until today. There's nothing like a good, hearty laugh to make your day, and I had a big one.

It is with thoughts of high school memories that I end this post with quite possibly the greatest closing lines to a TV show - and a line which pretty much sums up my view of the past:

Things never turn out exactly the way you planned. I know they didn't with me. Still, like my father used to say, 'Traffic's traffic, you go where life takes you, and growing up happens in a heartbeat. One day you're in diapers, the next you're gone, but the memories of childhood stay with you for the long haul. I remember a time a place, a particular fourth of July, the things that happened in that decade of war and change. I remember a house like a lot of houses, a yard like a lot of yards, on a street like a lot of other streets. I remember how hard it was growing up among people and places I loved. Most of all, I remember how hard it was to leave. And the thing is, after all these years I still look back in wonder. -Kevin Arnold

The Penultimate!

If anyone knows what penultimate means, then you'll know how significant it was for me to hand in my penultimate version of my thesis yesterday! All 66 pages of it! I didn't actually know what penultimate meant until a few days ago - which is a little embarrassing, given that half of my major is English.

Remaining assignments of the Spring Term:
- an essay critically analyzing the prospect of male pregnancy and its mark on gender, sex, and sexuality constructs.
- a final project detailing how I want to die, and what funerary traditions I want (more fun than it sounds!).
- The ULTIMATE version of my thesis.

You can't scream out loud in the suburbs.

Which is why some days I hate living in the city.

I am in a bit of a funk these days. I think my prolonged undergrad is taking its toll on me right now, and any ambitions I had of finishing well are questionable at this point. It's very difficult to put the time in doing things I'm no longer passionate about (like my classes), when I want to transition into the next stage of life now. Perhaps I am getting ahead of myself, but I can't really help it at this point. It doesn't really help that I feel like a lot of the near future for me is up in the air at the moment. I am trying to figure out the next four months and what they'll look like - before I am hopefully able to start working with IVCF at Mac. There are a lot of options. I like some options, dislike others, and find myself generally uneasy around a lot of my major decisions at the present time. I am a bit jealous of those moments in film when someone is out in nature yelling at the universe/God/themselves/transcendent/etc., because they're able to get it all off their chest. I could never do that around here because I'd be too afraid of upsetting the neighbours or anyone else around. Sometimes the city is stifling.

Maybe I'm in the wilderness right now.
Maybe I'm on a journey. Or maybe it's both.

This is a long process...

I'm still in the midst of completing the application process for becoming a staff worker with IVCF, and I think I know why these types of processes are so long. It's because you're able to see yourself in a new light, and what character traits need to be developed a bit more, throughout the entire process. For example, I'm looking back on the paper aspect of the application and realizing that I am in dire need of improving my diligence towards simple tasks. Simple tasks are actually very difficult tasks in my world, because the simplicity of it all often goes to my head, and an "I'll get around to it," attitude shows up far too often. Reflecting upon how I've made this process longer than it should be, I'm grateful to now see certain areas in my life that need improvement.

If anyone thinks a job like this is all about mentoring, discipling, and caring for others, they'd be missing a really key part. It's also about my own discipleship.
I'm really glad having it all figured out is not a part of the job description. Seriously, more and more each day I'm convinced salvation is a journey...

...The Grouch Picks.

Hours before the ceremony, here are a few (but not all) of my picks.

Best Film: No Country For Old Men

Best Actor: Daniel Day-Lewis

Best Actress: Ellen Page

Best Supporting Actor: Javier Bardem

Best Supporting Actress: Cate Blanchett

Best Director: Paul Thomas Anderson

Best Original Score: Atonement

Best Original Song: Once, "Falling Slowly"

(Not a lot of) Reading Week

This is the final reading week of my undergraduate career, and in spectacular fashion I have managed to avoid reading (and work in general) of all sorts. This is pretty much how I've spent the previous four reading weeks. Instead of work, I've managed to meet up with different people on different days for lunch, dinner, movies, playing pool, and anything else of the sort. Anything but schoolwork. So rather than get to work on the final chapter of my thesis - which needs to get done at some point in time - I've decided to finally create a new blog. I tried the blog thing a couple of years ago, without much success, but felt the need to start a new one now. I think one of the main reasons for starting up again is so that I have a forum to return to my creative expressions. I keep saying I have a novel I want to write or a short film I want to create, but I always feel like schooling inhibits my ability to be creative (oh cruel academy). So while this may not seem like a wise thing to be starting while I have 25 pages of writing needing to be done in just over a week, I'm hoping that this is an act of foresight that will allow me to return to my creative ways. I have no idea what this blog will turn into, but a step forward in any direction is better than standing still.

I should be reading this book a whole lot more than I have been. Instead I'm finishing up my Inter-Varsity application and starting a new blog. Tomorrow will be my thesis-work day, and I've got a good friend named Chianti who might be helping me along the way!

Three cheers for reading weeks, and the inability to use them for reading.
Hip-Hip-Huet!