The Penultimate!

If anyone knows what penultimate means, then you'll know how significant it was for me to hand in my penultimate version of my thesis yesterday! All 66 pages of it! I didn't actually know what penultimate meant until a few days ago - which is a little embarrassing, given that half of my major is English.

Remaining assignments of the Spring Term:
- an essay critically analyzing the prospect of male pregnancy and its mark on gender, sex, and sexuality constructs.
- a final project detailing how I want to die, and what funerary traditions I want (more fun than it sounds!).
- The ULTIMATE version of my thesis.

You can't scream out loud in the suburbs.

Which is why some days I hate living in the city.

I am in a bit of a funk these days. I think my prolonged undergrad is taking its toll on me right now, and any ambitions I had of finishing well are questionable at this point. It's very difficult to put the time in doing things I'm no longer passionate about (like my classes), when I want to transition into the next stage of life now. Perhaps I am getting ahead of myself, but I can't really help it at this point. It doesn't really help that I feel like a lot of the near future for me is up in the air at the moment. I am trying to figure out the next four months and what they'll look like - before I am hopefully able to start working with IVCF at Mac. There are a lot of options. I like some options, dislike others, and find myself generally uneasy around a lot of my major decisions at the present time. I am a bit jealous of those moments in film when someone is out in nature yelling at the universe/God/themselves/transcendent/etc., because they're able to get it all off their chest. I could never do that around here because I'd be too afraid of upsetting the neighbours or anyone else around. Sometimes the city is stifling.

Maybe I'm in the wilderness right now.
Maybe I'm on a journey. Or maybe it's both.

This is a long process...

I'm still in the midst of completing the application process for becoming a staff worker with IVCF, and I think I know why these types of processes are so long. It's because you're able to see yourself in a new light, and what character traits need to be developed a bit more, throughout the entire process. For example, I'm looking back on the paper aspect of the application and realizing that I am in dire need of improving my diligence towards simple tasks. Simple tasks are actually very difficult tasks in my world, because the simplicity of it all often goes to my head, and an "I'll get around to it," attitude shows up far too often. Reflecting upon how I've made this process longer than it should be, I'm grateful to now see certain areas in my life that need improvement.

If anyone thinks a job like this is all about mentoring, discipling, and caring for others, they'd be missing a really key part. It's also about my own discipleship.
I'm really glad having it all figured out is not a part of the job description. Seriously, more and more each day I'm convinced salvation is a journey...