Tuesday, March 18, 2008

You can't scream out loud in the suburbs.

Which is why some days I hate living in the city.

I am in a bit of a funk these days. I think my prolonged undergrad is taking its toll on me right now, and any ambitions I had of finishing well are questionable at this point. It's very difficult to put the time in doing things I'm no longer passionate about (like my classes), when I want to transition into the next stage of life now. Perhaps I am getting ahead of myself, but I can't really help it at this point. It doesn't really help that I feel like a lot of the near future for me is up in the air at the moment. I am trying to figure out the next four months and what they'll look like - before I am hopefully able to start working with IVCF at Mac. There are a lot of options. I like some options, dislike others, and find myself generally uneasy around a lot of my major decisions at the present time. I am a bit jealous of those moments in film when someone is out in nature yelling at the universe/God/themselves/transcendent/etc., because they're able to get it all off their chest. I could never do that around here because I'd be too afraid of upsetting the neighbours or anyone else around. Sometimes the city is stifling.

Maybe I'm in the wilderness right now.
Maybe I'm on a journey. Or maybe it's both.

1 comment:

Dana said...

You know something? At Ryerson Camp, where I spent many summers on staff and learned much about both frustration and patience, the cook, Christine, used to let us stand inside the closed walk-in fridge and scream. That walk-in fridges are very nearly sound-proof is a little-known fact. As you begin your journey with IV, I'm sure there will be many days when this information will be important for you. Just a suggestion...